i am not a writer

i dont write stories
and when i do it never works out
I want to find something else
I write poetry but what does that tell me
i mean i could change poetry into song
but even that wouldnt help me too much
and it never seems to be quite the same
plus lately my poetry has been sluggish
so i am not a writer
but i do write
i am not a writer but i do read
what others wish to say
i am not a singer
but i want to be if it could ever help me
im not alot of things
but im alot of things as well
so where exactly does this leave me?

you are stuck in this box

it ridiculous to love someone whose been out of your life for four years
and its terrible to be crushing on someone you've only said two words to.
and everything seems to be out of proportion in my mind
so everything is sprouting out at once
leaving everyone puzzled.
the sun spots im seeing are moving fast like an airplane through a bright and sunny sky
i wish i were on that plane
ending up somewhere other than here
if only for a few days
or a few hours
to be gone and think of something new
rather to be stuck in this disgust and remorse of the weeks past.
the days drive will not happen for me today
they refuse to walk out on a sunny day
so everyone has to suffer and never get the sun bleached hair
at least thats in my house for today
so maybe tomorrow can be better
but for now were going to create the perfect tv family
while i sit here alone up in my room.

BEEBOPS PRODUCTIONS

so ill write this quick because i know hes not around
but i cant stop thinking about what i could be saying to him next
which then brings up how shy i pretty much am
and on top of that
theres news spreading around
that ive yet to hear personally except from others mouths and ears
so whos it going to be
and whats going to go down
all this is just getting annoying



and now i dont know what else to write so ill leave it at that.

this is the worst thing i can write.

I am david lee roth I am bret easton ellis i am bruce wayne but i may also be len bias.
no i am not any of these and most likely never will be
i am not one who decides on enjoying some cocaine in the middle of summer or in the brash of winter
i prefer being someone else i guess
even though in this case someone else seems like everyone else that doesnt do cocaine
and im not saying its a bad thing (but of course it is) and i wont put you down for whatever you do because maybe i cant stop you
time doesnt seem to be a matter to some but id like to keep my life right on track for atleast as long as i can.

___________________________________________
today i am starting a new journey
i want to be able to just say hello or goodbye
or ask how youve been because i know this life doesnt seem the greatest
i want to get out there and show im not a bad person but i can be extremly friendly
YES i am friendly but extremely shy as well and that makes me seem foolish and not confident and then my life goes spiraling down into a pit that ends up filling me with depression but i guess its not too bad i mean eventually i can pick myself back up

"So are you still saying im not when I already am( you keep on kicking me down)
And why are you still saying we wont when we already are(you keep on kicking me down,you keep on kicking me down))
Ain’t it a shame to be so young and insane"

thats exactly what i am but no one truely knows that because i tend to be all hidden or i end up coming off as annoying and it makes me seem so out of touch with my living.

"And give it up
Don’t turn away
This time could be different
You’re making this difficult
Just thought I loved you more
The way you leave
I’ll be starting a new life on my own
Cus it’s a constant tragedy
Connecting you and I
And I love when I hear you say:
I want to feel alive
I want to be with you one more night
Just you and I
And the city lights
We’ll do it one more time
Except this time we’ll get it right"

and my throat is getting tight
and my vocal chords are ready to shake but cant make the first move
and my heart is pumping so much
and i seem so foolish
and i put myself down in the ending anyway
just because i dont know what to do.
i just dont want him to see what ive written.

R.I.P Yukon [yuki] Yankee Perez

Between you and i
i don't know where i can continue to move.
see my mind is put in only one place right now
and i feel nothing can be done.
I've never seen their faces so red,
so broken and irreplaceable.
i had no idea what to do but
i knew i had to help somehow.
and when she screamed "NO, don't touch him i want him to stay"
my heart stopped and i stood there
telling myself this was really happening
i was losing one of the best parts of my life
one of the parts you say, oh it wont matter too much
until it strikes you that, that period of your life is done
not for a minute or for a moment
but for eternity he can only be a memory that everyone will remember.
he touched so many
and he brought everyone joy
and the passion of pushing away from his breath.
there are so many things i felt i forgot to tell him while he was still here
i feel like i never appreciated him enough
but trust me i did
he was my everything
and he always will be
because that's how he was
the second you saw him
you were instantly attached
and there was no pulling back.
so i cant tell you what he did to me exactly and how i loved every moment of his presence brightened my day
but i can tell you,
between you and i
he was the best dog a five year old girl can ask for.

opened wide the world we saw

i didnt know what to do
my heart was racing
my arms stiff from the cold air
my legs shaking and needing to move
we booked as fast as we could go
in the local scene
if only the summer could come quicker
and i could finally feel some relief
you do these things just to say something
just to make yourself stand out
we seem all like a fool through the jester's eye