i dont deserve to write anymore

god, i just dont know what to say anymore
i have no way to make proper sense
so i end up playing scrabble in my brain
a game ive never been good at.

so many things cross my mind but i can never pick
just one to talk about
to scream out or help me breathe
a little longer.

oh brother there i go again making myself seem vulnerable
not that i am not of course
it just takes some time for me to move on
to keep focus of
the right thing.

laugh at me if i make a fool
its common in my nick of the woods
though woods have never been a favorite place of mine
to be found and to scatter.

i need an open space
i need time alone
i need to just sit
sip coffee or perhaps green tea
that stuff always makes me feel good
i need to scream
i say it all the time
i need to let out all my emotions
or i just need to not care anymore
its just not easy
i dont care what you say
it will not happen for me
i always end up stuck
god fucking damnit!

here i am repeating myself, it's all i'll ever do.