If I Only Had The Guts

i could tell you everything i feel,
everything I've wanted to spill for so long but i don't know if i should.
ill tell you how much i don't approve
only to make my case seem better.
ill tell you
why i think i should be given the chance.
ill tell you an overload of words,
half which you wont exactly hear.
ill tell you i want to hold you.
i want to be held.
and then you'll laugh and turn your head.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
within the jealousy there is hope,
not to ruin but to rejoice.
i want something out of this that i know wont come for me
but i make those wishes at 11:11 for a reason.
so maybe today wont be my day
but eventually
you'll know every word i wanted to scream
by heart.

-to a special someone who will never know-